Friday, August 18, 2006

Anxious Prone

Dear World,

Easy living is but a dream away. I struggle to retain the kind of patience and determination I distill in the form of advice to others. So very much to accomplish in this world, and yet it seems like tomorrow may not matter as much as I would like. More work. Less hope. More errant bombs and destruction of personal hope and aspiration. Perhaps endless, hopeless aspiration has replaced meager, ernest, hard fought, yet enormously meaningful gains for the forseeable future, while we toil and spoil our best intentions on petty frustrations like road rage and slow internet connections.

Though I thoroughly beleive that now is the time for independance and personal achivement, what remains is the nagging feeling that those who wish for the world to be 'like it was' will for ever cast my independant benevolence as wastefull conjecture and unresolved, Gen Y(X) agnst.

The hope and joy I enoy is cynical in nature because my world has forever been clouded by mature irresponsibility. Those who are to protect, care for, and guide are so embroiled (or were) in thier own wonton desires that children's need for structure and old fashioned hard love lessons we meet with soft hearted guilt that smelled like a three week old tuna sandwich in a fresh sheet of wax paper.

So the pattern continues like a crack head looking for his 'last' fix. Anyone under 45 is soaking in thier own stank, dull, self indulgent world of resentment and floating point desire for emotional restitution. But it will not come until the reigns of personal affectation are reeled in and tied solidly to a new perspective and attitude of humility without excuse.

My excuse remains to be that my senior family members and peers taught me through action, not late night bad breathed advice, that the only way to achieve my aspirations of importance self realization was to be as sneaky and devious as they were.

This is not petty thievery or ill-informed ignorance, but a highly evolved form of seeking compliance through emotional manipulation.

But do trust me. I tell the truth. At least here. Because this is where I've come to vet my undeniably eruptive conscience and subconscience.

No wonder I feel anxious.

Stranded On Earth